Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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