Don't you send me to vm
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
