A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
