He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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