Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
