shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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