thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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