1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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