Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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