i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
