Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
