I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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