Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
