Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
