when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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