I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
