Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
