Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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