I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
