using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
