no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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