I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
