I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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