Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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