He kissed a someone with a penis
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
