I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
