So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
