Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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