Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
