So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
