i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
