omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
