obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
