he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
These tits shall not be calmed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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