I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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