they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
