guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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