I wish I could punch you in the face.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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