hotel room ftw
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
