this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
