tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
