He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
