All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
