it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
3 2 1 whiskey
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
