I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
