All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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