If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
