uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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