Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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