Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need water and some morals
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
