First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you never un-have a 4some
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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