I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
