She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
