There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
