First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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