I hate all girls vehemently.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
