Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
