Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
