I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
