I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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