he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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