You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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